just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We have started to decorate penises.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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