Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
