Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
