Me. At least after what I've been through.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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