he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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