All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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