remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
