apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Randomize
