You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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