Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
