oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
