he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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