I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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