Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
