Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My vagina is officially offended.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Randomize