I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
