Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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