Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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