im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
