I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
