If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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