you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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