I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
