He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
