Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize