I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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