Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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