when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
