M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
