Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
