i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
