i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
