Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
