Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
