Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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