whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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