I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
