Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
