My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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