it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
