He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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