i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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