My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
