My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
