You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
