i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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