I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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