Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
