NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
