Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
