I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
