I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize