Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
