i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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