its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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