So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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