So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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