Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
