Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
