Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
