no one should ever give us hovercrafts
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
