and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
