He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
