I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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