i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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