Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
