Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
