And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
