So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
