i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just found a bag of teeth...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
