i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
