You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
