literally had 100 drinks last night.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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